Start... Stop.... Go?
Happy TUESDAaaay..??? yes, yes. Today's date is Tuesday Feb, 22. (phew) it's been a MINUTE!
Here's a short life update:
I have begun another Spring semester in steps to complete the never-ending story that is my academic journey towards getting my MFA. It feels like anytime that I have wanted to focus on my company, I decide to take on another semester. It's a stop and go process. I took last fall off to sort out our living & financial situations, with the intent of returning to the workforce in the new year and attend classes in the Spring. So, here we are. Balancing it all. Or at the very least, trying my best. If you read my last post, you know that I decided to do this full time, as a full time student.
I set a goal for myself in regards to this site, and I am intent on keeping it. BUT I am also taking SIX classes- because I didn't take any in the Fall, I had to make up for that semester (talk about the consequences of your actions). I had several lengthy conversations with my advisor, who voiced her concern that taking that many classes could be "overwhelming, and a set up for failure"-direct quote, she suggested that I take four classes, instead. And I almost did. We went back and forth a few times, on the pros and cons. Then I realized that either way, I will have to make up for those last two classes. So here we are, here I am, taking on SIX classes.
Here's a little backstory: because I took the Fall semester off, therefore disrupting my degree progress, the school placed me under a 'warning' which means that I will be subject to a Staff Review at the end of this semester which will determine whether or not I get to continue. I can ask for an appeal if it doesn't go in my favor. Fine. Here's my attitude towards this, it doesn't matter if I pass or fail with 3, 4, 5, or 6 classes- because I will be up for review regardless. (here's the kicker: I will have to pay out of pocket for the classes that I DON'T take). So, why wouldn't I take all six? Why would I take less classes and have this sitting in the back of my mind all semester; further adding stress to an already stressful situation? I feel THAT would be setting myself up for failure, more than taking six classes would.
I made an intention this year to not get in my own way- in any way. You can't succeed if you are already planning to fail, and I am NOT planning on failing. I can stop and restart any project, I only fail if I give up completely. I don't live in fear of failure. It doesn't exist, because it's part of the process of success. You don't fail, you learn. This has been my life philosophy, so why would I let anyone (including my self doubt) to creep in and intimidate me? It's been three weeks since the semester started, I took a little break from working on this site & my company so that I could focus on making a schedule that works best for me. I recognize that it's a lot to take on, and I don't want to burn myself out. So that's where I've been.
It's hard work- not going to sugar coat it. I wake up early, I work until I find a good stopping point, I take breaks, I keep going, I go to bed early (even though it is very easy for me to hyper focus and lose myself in my work). Then I do it all again the next day. If the outcome is not up to me, then the least that I can do is work hard enough to know that even if it doesn't go my way, I gave it my all and succeeded. I don't like being underestimated, I thrive in the face of adversity- because I like things that challenge me in a way that allows me to grow in intellect and as an individual. I get bored with things that come too easily. Which, if you know me you'd think that was ironic considering that my favorite pastime is sleeping.
It's called balance. Look it up.
SO, What is NEXT? How will taking six classes affect my business and my goals for this site?
I am working on all of it, don't worry. I am not planning on leaving you stranded for long periods of time.... .... ... anymore. Part of this process, is to become more transparent- while still maintaining SOME privacy. Not everything will be public knowledge, but I will be better about posting life updates, I want you to get to know me. In my own voice and narrative.
Let me take a quick moment to address what I've missed in pop culture these last few weeks (like the friend who is always late to the party):
CONGRATS to the Bengals and the Rams for making it to the Super Bowl.
CONGRATS to the Rams for winning, it was a really close game the Bengals should be proud, they played a great game. ( I saw bits and pieces of it)
That half-time show. WAS. EVERYTHING. -periodt.
Happy (belated) Valentine's/Galentine's Day! I hope that you were able to continue to show your loved ones how much they are appreciated and loved. To me, this holiday is about celebrating LOVE in all of it's beautiful forms. We don't need ONE day to tell the people that we love that we LOVE them, but it is a good excuse to celebrate each other. So if you're single or sad about not having a date, or being in a relationship- think of all of the people that you do have in your life that love you- celebrate that.
Fashion Week!! I will probably do an unpacking of all of the shows at a later time- I did re-post a few things on my FB page. Some AMAZING looks, and some trends that I am looking forward to. Some, I am still processing. Look for that blog a bit later- not sure when. I'll keep you posted.
What else did I miss? So many celebrity babies (and breakups, and engagements)! So many new shows to watch, so many more ending. Should I do a list? Or a review post of my top fave shows? I will keep these in the back burner for right now.
THE SHOP! I know it was up for a bit, then I took it down again. There's confusion because I still have the Bonfire shop open, but it's different than the one I have planned for this site- it's all over the place. I am planning on closing the Bonfire shop- which makes me sad, because I really like using them. I will try to do one more sale for the spring and just close it afterwards. Then I will work on building the one on this site up so that I can offer a more divers selection of merchandise and more designs. It's a work in progress, but a dream that I am working on realizing this year, my goal is to have it together in the upcoming weeks- but I shall see how everything goes. There are so many things that I am working on for this site, and this company, that I can't wait to share!
If this serves as anything, use it as reminder that no matter how many times you stop, and restart don't give up, keep pushing forward! Let's get out of our own way, in every way and make things happen. The world is full of problems, but the beautiful thing is that there is ALWAYS a solution- if you can't find a solution, create it! Who says that you can't?
And for those who say things like: " why would you do that?" "you can't do that" "you will fail" "trust me, you won't be able to handle that" "you're not smart enough" "that's a dumb idea"... simply respond with: "not your dream, not your problem to solve. Either support me, or get out of my way, and watch me do it without you." Then just go for it-learn as you go, take breaks, begin again, redesign, readjust, change it all- just don't give up on YOU.
Many of these things are things that we also say to ourselves, I get it- I do too. What helps me block out those thoughts is to take a second and look at everything that I have accomplished, (professionally, personally, academically) and use that as a reminder, that I am capable to handle anything that I want to achieve. I hope that you can use this to help you block out that negative voice. The biggest lesson I have re-learned throughout all of this is that: I'm the only thing that is standing in the way of achieving my goals, I am the only one who can change my mindset and my habits, my success and my progress lies within/with me. No one else can live my life for me. It takes time, allow yourself the time to process, to heal, to redirect and realign your mindset. It's the hardest thing you will do for yourself, because we are so conditioned to be in continuous motion- to always have something going on, to not stop and just keep taking things on- that we often push aside our own needs. Breathe, it's okay to just take time off, when you are ready- you will make it happen.
I know that this was a bit long, but I am glad that you made it through- like always thank you, THANK YOU for the ongoing support!! I am happy and beyond grateful that you have continued on this journey with me.
And in case you made it this far down this blog and are wondering how I am doing in my six classes- getting ALL A's.
<3 K.
